Life will never be the same again. We have crossed the Rubicon. We are through the Looking Glass.
Last night, for the first time (as if that should need spelling out), I sucked the snot from another person's nose. I'll let that just hang in the air for a second before repeating it in the hope I just imagined it.
I sucked. The snot. From another person's. Nose.
No arrangement of those words will make the experience any less traumatising for anyone concerned. We all agreed not to mention it again (eye contact will be resumed next Tuesday) but it's happened now and we're all a little diminished.
Yes, my exalted offspring has a cold. Or is teething. Or probably both.
Of course, my heart goes out to her. This must be phenomenally confusing. She has never been ill IN HER LIFE. She looks at us accusingly from time to time. "Why are you doing this to me?" she seems to say,and I make a mental note to teach her about causal reasoning as soon as possible. She's 25 weeks old, how hard can it be?
Ultimately though, the result of this cold is that she has a blocked nose and not only is that unpleasant at the best of times, it makes breastfeeding rather tricky (I say this from observation rather than personal experience). Anyway, she's finding it difficult to make the whole feeding/breathing equation work and so we took to the internet (where else?) to see what solutions were available to us.
Horror. Of. Horrors.
It is perhaps not surprising that a solution does exist. Christ knows where babies are concerned there are solutions to problems out there that you cannot even conceive of having. I will post some of my favourites here over time. Anyway, I digress. The solution is something Mrs Wife and I have christened the Snot Sucker 2000.
It's really just a plastic tube with a valve that Tesco will charge you in the region of £8 for owning. And the idea is that you put one end to your child's nasal effluent and the other to your... well, there's no easy way of saying this... mouth. And then you (summoning all the love you have for your child): suck.
So that's what happened this evening. In a selfless effort to clear my child's airways I entered a club whose membership criteria is at best questionable and at worst... icky.
I am put in mind of the old Groucho Marx quote (along the lines of I don't wish to belong to any club that would have me as a member). I have made my peace with my club membership, but perhaps next time we could all have a sensible discussion on: Handkerchiefs (6-month old usage of).
Of course, my heart goes out to her. This must be phenomenally confusing. She has never been ill IN HER LIFE. She looks at us accusingly from time to time. "Why are you doing this to me?" she seems to say,and I make a mental note to teach her about causal reasoning as soon as possible. She's 25 weeks old, how hard can it be?
Ultimately though, the result of this cold is that she has a blocked nose and not only is that unpleasant at the best of times, it makes breastfeeding rather tricky (I say this from observation rather than personal experience). Anyway, she's finding it difficult to make the whole feeding/breathing equation work and so we took to the internet (where else?) to see what solutions were available to us.
Horror. Of. Horrors.
It is perhaps not surprising that a solution does exist. Christ knows where babies are concerned there are solutions to problems out there that you cannot even conceive of having. I will post some of my favourites here over time. Anyway, I digress. The solution is something Mrs Wife and I have christened the Snot Sucker 2000.
It's really just a plastic tube with a valve that Tesco will charge you in the region of £8 for owning. And the idea is that you put one end to your child's nasal effluent and the other to your... well, there's no easy way of saying this... mouth. And then you (summoning all the love you have for your child): suck.
So that's what happened this evening. In a selfless effort to clear my child's airways I entered a club whose membership criteria is at best questionable and at worst... icky.
I am put in mind of the old Groucho Marx quote (along the lines of I don't wish to belong to any club that would have me as a member). I have made my peace with my club membership, but perhaps next time we could all have a sensible discussion on: Handkerchiefs (6-month old usage of).
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